My friends, they love my intelligence
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
