I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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