I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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