Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
40s are totally the cure
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
