Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
