I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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