i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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