My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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