Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
