I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
