We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
