I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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