where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
