Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
