How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
