32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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