she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
