I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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