Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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