I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
