she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
