Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
