glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
