when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
