In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
