Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
