New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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