This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
