It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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