After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
