this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
