Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she told me i tasted like america
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
