That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
