Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
People in love make me want to vomit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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