Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just threw up on my dentist
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
