I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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