hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
