he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
