I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
