She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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