Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize