So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
