Me. At least after what I've been through.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
