What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
