he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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