Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Found your dick twin last night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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