It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
