the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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