She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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