So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
