I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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