Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
