omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize