Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
