Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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