dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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