I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there was a trapeze. enough said
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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