Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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