Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
