I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
