I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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