She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He felt like a one man threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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