was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
