How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
