So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
