I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
