respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
