Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
