"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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