Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
