I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
