ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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