I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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