Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
