I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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