I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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