wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
