I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
