I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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