Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize