i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
