woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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