Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
