I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
not ubering you a puppy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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