I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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